I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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