My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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