The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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