i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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