I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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