i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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