the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
