Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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