Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
