2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
