Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
