My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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