what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize