I think I won the penis lottery.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
