i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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