I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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