did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
