its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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