I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
