No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
