I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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