Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
