ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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