maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize