His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
