Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
