I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
