I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
