All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
