so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
