the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
