I just made out with a guy for $7.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
