On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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