you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
