Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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