THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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