You made me cry and you don't even care
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
