im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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