You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
