i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize