after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
