At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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