she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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