she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am spending my child support on dildos
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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