How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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