i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
