Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
