gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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