Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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