Ketchup is God's man juice
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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