Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize