If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
