Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
