My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
