He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
