R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
