Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
