before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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