help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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