Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
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I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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