So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
