i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
