Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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